I believe there is nothing more valuable to teach our children than to be kind. Kind to others and kind to themselves. The way we, as parents and caregivers, speak to our children will become their inner monologue. And how we treat our children will eventually be how they treat others. I’m no expert and I’ll never claim to be one, but I see the difference these things are already making in the way my child approaches others. 

1. DAILY AFFIRMATIONS 

Children are like sponges, soaking up everything they hear. The things we speak into our children should be things we want them to truly believe about themselves. Every day I ask my son “Can you say I am brave! I am strong! and I am kind!” I tell him daily that he is a good kid. I now catch him saying these things to himself whether he is in the back seat of the car or playing alone in his bedroom. Not only is he beginning to recognize these characteristics in himself, but he will also recognize them in others. Every now and then my son will say to me, unprompted, “Mommy, you’re a good mommy” or tell my husband when he is carrying the groceries into the house, “Daddy, You’re so strong!” Instilling these characteristics in children at a young age sets them up for confidence in themselves and kindness toward others in the future.  

2. GIVE THEM GRACE 

We have a saying in our house – “Accidents happen.” This doesn’t mean we teach our child there are no consequences to his actions, this means when a mistake is made, while it is important to take responsibility and take the necessary actions to fix the mistake, we also show our child grace by recognizing that accidents and mistakes out of their control can, and will, happen. 

3. GIVING AND RECEIVING APOLOGIES 

Simply teaching a child to say sorry isn’t enough. Children understand more than we realize. They are still learning to regulate their own emotions and it is our job to help them navigate that. They can, however, recognize and understand when someone is sad, mad, hurt, etc. Teaching your child to be kind and empathetic also means teaching them to recognize when their own actions hurt someone else. As the mother of an almost three-year-old, I have had my fair share of slaps and kicks. Telling my son “That hurt my feelings” when he does these things has had a profound effect. Rather than simply telling him not to do something and going straight to punishment, I go further by explaining to him how his action has made me feel and how important it is to apologize when you make a mistake or bad decision.

On the flip side, we also must be willing to apologize to our children. Showing our children that we, as parents, can recognize when we make mistakes sets a positive example for them. This also teaches children their feelings are valid, and they are just as deserving of respect regardless of their age. 

Children will eventually grow into adults who will experience the real world. They will meet people who are different than them. They will encounter people and situations that will not be kind to them. Instilling confidence, grace, and the ability to stand up for themselves while also taking responsibility for how their actions affect others at a young age sets them up for success in the future.