Your body, if you carried and gave birth to your child, is tired and healing, and your hormones are all over the place. If your experience was that of surrogacy or adoption, you are not exempt from the mental and emotional challenges that come with caring for a new life. Give yourself grace and recognize that it is okay to not have all the answers.
We are our own worst critics. If you ever find yourself saying “I’m not good at this”, ask yourself this, “If another mom friend came to me with the same situation I am in right now, would I say they were a bad mom?” Your answer would most likely be “No.” Give yourself the same grace you would give a friend.
Everything is brand new. You have never done this before. While you are learning how to be a mother, your baby is also learning how to be outside the comfort of the womb. During those late nights when you feel like nothing you do is working, remember this – if every decision you are making is made with your baby’s best interest in mind, then you can’t go wrong.
The hormone changes or sleep depravity you are experiencing can and will affect the way you function. Take a step back when needed. Take internal inventory of how you are feeling and educate yourself on the differences between “Baby Blues” and Postpartum Depression and Anxiety. In my own experience, I realized my postpartum depression much later than I wish I had. I thought so much of what I was experiencing was normal and once I took a step back and saw the bigger picture, I was able to move forward toward a mentally and emotionally healthier version of myself
Raising children takes a village. I am fully aware at how cliche that may sound, and you are probably rolling your eyes as you read this, but it is so true. I didn’t believe it until I had my son. It’s not just raising children that takes a village, you need a village too. We are not meant to do everything on our own. Ask. For. Help. Lean on your family and friends in all aspects of your new normal.
Motherhood is hard but holy work.
“You’re always going to wonder if you’re doing things wrong, but that’s what it means to be a mom, to care so much about someone else that you just want to be as perfect as possible.” – Naya Rivera
3 responses to “Dear First-Time Mom: 4 Things You Need to Hear”
Really wish I could go back and not be so hard on myself. Since I struggled to conceive and experienced loss, I wanted my baby so bad for so long. When I finally had her and I was experiencing postpartum depression and anxiety I felt SOOO guilty for not being “as happy as I should be.” I was lucky enough to have my baby, why am I so sad. It was a super lonely feeling to be so incredibly happy and terribly terribly sad and anxious at the same time. Wish I knew then that, that didn’t make me a bad mom. Being a mom is just hard and that’s okay. I realized much later that the village everyone talks about isn’t always for the baby but for you. I don’t know what I would have done without my friends who I leaned on and vented to and who met me right where I was at. Love this post!
Hindsight really is 20/20. It’s reminds me of that quote that says “To the friends who became moms before me, I’m sorry, I didn’t know” (paraphrasing obviously). I am determined to pass on the valuable things I have learned and be the village that I know is so important to the friends who have kids after me.
You are doing a great job.